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Here is the vital answer to a problem affecting nearly every third home in America. You need to know the real CAUSE of this problem – and the permanent CURE!

      America is the most divorced nation in the world today. More than one in four Americans have been involved in divorce! The divorce problem is growing in nearly every “civilized” nation on earth today. The trend is viewed with concern by ministers and officials everywhere. But the problem continues to grow!

      The tragic results of divorce soon make themselves known. In California, Superior Judge Lewis Drucker states: “The by-products (of divorce) find refuge in our State mental hospitals, prisons and alcoholic wards.

      It is estimated here that two-thirds of the persons appearing in psychiatric court come from broken or divorced homes. Seventy-five per cent of juvenile delinquents come from such homes! And a large number of unwed mothers are themselves the product of broken homes.

      For the couple involved—and most of all the children—the results of the divorce are nothing short of TRAGIC! But the question remains— WHY divorce, what are its causes, and what can be done about the problem?

Why Divorce?

Although many factors enter in, two basic problems are at the bottom of nearly every divorce. The first of these is the misunderstanding and misuse of love and sex. The second—which is directly related to the first—is ignorance of or disregard for the proper organization and purpose of the home and family. Bear these two factors in mind—for nearly EVERY conceivable problem in marriage falls into one of these two categories!

Now let us consider the first of these basic problems. Actually, the misunderstanding of love and sex can place a marriage in jeopardy before the vows are even spoken. A marriage entered into because of lust or through fear of the results of premarital sex has a poor chance from the start. Yet how many thousands of such marriages take place every year?

Two generations ago, a major problem among prospective marriage partners was the lack of technical knowledge about the various function.

But today, the situation has changed radically. Modern young people are bombarded with information about the purely technical aspects of sex from almost every quarter. In America particularly, society has become almost OBSESSED with sex as a form of amusement and self-gratification.

This selfish, perverted sex appetite is constantly stimulated by its emphasis on the television and movie screen, in newspaper and magazine advertisements and illustrations, in widely read novels and short stories. In lurid detail, it is splashed on the covers of paper-backed books and through the pages of comic magazines.

Young people today are exposed to sex in its rawest form before they have the faintest idea of its total meaning in life. By adult example, they are taught that sex is something to “take”, to “get” from others in order to satisfy the self. The selfless expression of LOVE in sex is completely ignored and misunderstood. And in doing so many couples are engaging in perverted sex acts, such as oral sex, that actually degrades the marriage covenant and brings perversion into the once undefiled bedroom. Thus, one of the very things which should help bring happiness in marriage is very often a basic cause of divorce.

The Right Attitude Toward Love and Sex

There is a great difference between the selfish, infantile emotion so many young people think of as “love” and the mature Elohim-like love which every happily married couple should understand and experience. One of the problems young couples have whose marriage is based upon infantile love is that each is expecting to receive all and give nothing. Each is so concerned with his own wants that he is scarcely capable of recognizing the needs of his mate, or of fulfilling them.

On the other hand, mature love is based upon the Bible principle: “It is more blessed to GIVE than to receive.” It seeks not primarily its own satisfaction, but wants to serve the beloved, to contribute to the fullest happiness and good of the other. And it is willing to work and to sacrifice to achieve this goal.

Mature love does not make sex an end in itself. Rather, our attitude toward sex should be based upon the understanding that it was ELOHIM who made us male and female—it was Elohim who created sex. Sex is Elohim-given and worthy as speech, sight or hearing and like these should be used properly—as the Creator intended.

In marriage, sex should be the highest expression of physical LOVE. As the apostle Paul commands, husband and wife should each regard his or her body as the property of the other (1st Cor 7:1-5). Their relation should be based on an outgoing love and concern for the beloved’s happiness and welfare. Their attitude should be one of giving and serving.

Every young couple should know and understand the two great PURPOSES of sex. First, that it is to propagate the race—“be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28).

Secondly, as indicated by the passage in 1st Corinthians 7, it is to be that complete sharing of two personalities in which each considers that he belongs to the other—a relationship and a sharing designed to protect and to increase the love of husband and wife for each other. Any other reason for sex either in or outside of marriage is SIN—and will ultimately bring sorrow, retribution and shame upon the parties involved!

If young people in dating, courtship and marriage would understand and abide by these two great purposes of sex, their behavior would alter radically. First, there would be no more of the kind of “necking” that all too often leads to premarital sex. And, realizing the true meaning of love and sex, young couples would marry out of LOVE—not lust or various desires to please the self.

A knowledge of the technical functions of sex in the human family is important to every young couple. Once this is mastered, understanding and PRACTICING the “giving” and “sharing” principle in love and sex will practically guarantee continued happiness in this vital phase of married life.

Organization and Purpose of the Home and the Family

It has wisely been said that the very foundation of all decent civilization is the home and family. The continuing disintegration of modern family life is cause for deep concern over the world. In their desire for sexual satisfaction, and their insatiable thirst for “hired” entertainment in the form of nightclubs, movies, and TV, today’s young married people seem to give very little thought to the building of a permanent, stable, happy home and the begettal, feeding, clothing, training and teaching of children. For the most part, they are in ignorance of the purpose and proper organization of the home and family.

Again, people forget that it is Elohim who created the sexes, and that ELOHIM ordained marriage and the family! At least two of the ten great spiritual laws of life summarized in the Ten Commandments relate directly to marriage and the family. One command—the one against adultery—protects the family from outside invasion, so to speak. The command to honor one’s parents has to do with the teaching, training and conduct inside the family.

From the very first chapters of the Bible, we find the proper organization of the family definitely indicated. When Elohim first made man and knew that he should not be alone, He said: “I will make a HELPER suited to him.” (Gen 2:18)

From the very beginning, woman was intended to be man’s partner and help—not his boss or his competitor. This may sound trite or old fashioned to some who apparently think they have “progressed” far beyond the wisdom of their Creator. But the application of this one principle would save thousands of homes from the state of WRETCHEDNESS in which they now exist!

Who is the Head of the House?

A nation divided against itself CANNOT stand! In like manner, a home that is divided—a home without a head, will NOT endure! In modern homes, one of several things takes place.

In many instances both parents simply submit to their rebellious children and let their whims and fancies dictate the family policy. In a prophecy which in a dual sense refers to our English-speaking peoples today, Elohim said: “And I will give young boys to be their rulers, and a tyrant shall rule over them… the boy will be insolent against the elder… children are their oppressors, and women rule over him” (Isaiah 3:4-5,12). We can SEE this prophecy taking place all about us today!

As the prophecy indicates, when parents let the children have a free hand it usually involves mother doing any other ruling that she thinks necessary. And, of course, another widespread practice is for the wife to just take over and act as the head of the family herself. In this case, the husband is usually squelched and humbled like a whipped dog, and the children are usually rowdy and imprudent because of this topsy-turvy state of affairs.

Any of these situations is sure to bring unhappiness and TROUBLE because they are in direct defiance of the Divinely ordained pattern of authority which Elohim set in the home. It is Elohim who made us male and female. It is ELOHIM who installed the home and family.

Whether it appeals to human reason and desires or not, here is what Elohim says about who is to be the head of the house: “Wives, SUBMIT yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto our Master, because a husband is HEAD of the wife, as also Messiah is Head of the Congregation, and He is the Savior of the body” (Eph 5:22-23).

Speaking of the qualifications for ministers, the apostle Paul said that such a man must be one: “RULING his own house well, having children in subjection with all purity” (1st Timothy 3:4).

IF he will only use it, man has been given the potential understanding, determination, self- control, physical strength and many other qualities, which best fit him to act as the provider, the protector, the leader and the HEAD of the family.

The Right Estimation of Wifehood

Although many women won’t admit it because of their own VANITY and because of the perverted teaching of modern psychology, every normal woman secretly wants her husband to rule her, in love, and to take his rightful place as the head of the house. She can find her greatest HAPPINESS only as a wife and mother who can rely on the protective leadership of a loving husband who is STRONG in character and in purpose and following the will of Yahweh.

If marriages are ever going to be successful, young women need to be TAUGHT and schooled in the Elohim-given principles of marriage. Instead of learning to compete with men in business, industry and society, they need to train to become a real HELP to their future husbands, and an efficient mother to their children.

Discussing the reasons for the terrible divorce problem, a prominent jurist recently declared that American women just don’t know how to be wives. “Why do so many American GIs marry German and Japanese girls?” he asks. Then answers, “Because these women are taught to be wives. They perform the historic function of a wife. And they don’t try to wear the pants!”

Most modern women have an entirely FALSE concept of what constitutes a “success” in life for a woman. By training and example, they are either taught to become a “career woman” and compete with men in the business world, or else they are encouraged to become “dominating” wives who argue loud and long that marriage is a “50-50 proposition”, but who in actual fact always end up in bossing their husbands. And women of this group nearly always have many “outside interests”—women’s clubs, book clubs and innumerable contacts with other women like themselves—partly to smooth over the inevitable doubts and frustrations that arise as a result of this unnatural situation.

In either case, the woman is taken outside of the home a good deal of the time. The husband has only a “part time” wife who wants to wear the pants.

And the children end up with a part time mother who undermines the father’s authority in front of their eyes and who cannot—by her very nature—replace him as the strong, wise guiding hand which every home MUST have to be completely happy and successful.

Instead of the false modern concept, Elohim COMMANDS older women: “That they might train the young women to be modest, to love their husbands, and their children, to be discreet, chaste, good HOMEMAKERS, good, OBEDIENT to their own husbands, so that the Word of Elohim may not be blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5). Is that CLEAR? That is ELOHIM speaking! The only question is—are we going to argue and “reason”, or are we going to OBEY?

The Right Balance

But there is another side to this coin. Husbands should not only understand but RESPECT the high calling of their wives. They should give Elohim thanks for their help, and for their co-operation and obedience.

Every man should drive himself to provide a decent living for his wife and children—and should then keep his wife at home, where ELOHIM says she belongs. Instead of encouraging his wife to go outside the house and work to bring in money he should be encouraging her to stay home and be the woman Yahweh intended her to be, THE HOMEMAKER!

And he should pray for love, wisdom, and self- control in leading and guiding his family, and in being the kind of father that his wife and children can look up to with the right kind of pride.

Every husband must use his “backbone” and will power to take his rightful place as the head of his house. But to have a happy and successful home, he must do this in the right attitude. He must not be swelled up with pride and begin to “lord it over” his wife and children as a tyrant or dictator. Rather, he must strive to give and to SERVE his family as its leader and provider.

In humility, he should realize that he is best qualified to do this, and that he is held RESPONSIBLE for doing it properly. Elohim commands: “Husbands, LOVE your wives, even as Messiah also loved the congregation and gave Himself up on its behalf.” (Eph 5:25). He must also be the spiritual provider as well the physical one. A woman can never fully respect a man that doesn’t respect Yahweh and His Torah.

Both men and women need a new concept of marriage and of wifehood. They need to realize the great IMPORTANCE of a woman taking her place in the home as a good cook, an efficient housekeeper, a good mother who will not only care for but will teach and train her children in the right way, and a loving wife and companion for her husband.

Such a wife and mother merits the very highest respect and honor of her husband, her family, and of the whole society. In describing such a woman, Solomon wrote: “Who can find a woman of virtue? For her value is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, so that he has no lack of gain” (Prov 31:10-11).

Bring ELOHIM into The Marriage and Family

Men and women have left Elohim out of their thinking about love, sex, marriage and the family. Yet it is ELOHIM who has ordained and instituted all of these! Parents and friends, educators, books, movies and TV all present what is usually a FALSE concept of the meaning of love, sex and marriage to our young people.

As we have discussed, real LOVE is seldom understood and only the physical and technical aspect of sex is taught—and the implied motivation is that of “getting” instead of giving and serving.

This selfish concept then becomes the attitude toward the entire marriage relation, and the modern wife proceeds to demand her “rights” to take over many responsibilities for which she was never equipped by Elohim to perform. And —all too often— the husband is too lazy or sluggish to be the sole provider and leader of his family, or else he becomes a selfish “brute” of a husband to exercise his responsibilities with wisdom and LOVE.

Almighty Yahweh must be brought into our thinking—not only about the limited aspects of sex and marriage as such—but about the entire meaning and PURPOSE of the home and family. We need to realize that Elohim ORDAINED the home and family relationship as the basis of all decent society!

Part of the very purpose of the family relationship is to give men and women the opportunity to OVERCOME the very difficulties in marriage which we have already outlined—plus many, many more. By building the right kind of home, men and women can achieve their greatest happiness in this life.

But even more important than that, they are making use of an Elohim ordained opportunity to build the highest type of CHARACTER for all eternity! That is why any type of sex relation outside of an Elohim-like marriage is SIN and is punishable by DEATH in the lake of fire! It is cheapening and degrading any future marriage in advance. And remember your spouse now is only temporary, a test to see how faithful you will be, the real bridegroom is Yahshua!

Adultery is WRECKING the very basis of all decent society! And that is why our modern practice of divorce and especially of divorce and remarriage—is such a crime and a SIN in the eyes of Almighty Yahweh. This damnable practice teaches young people at their slightest whim to cast aside the RESPONSIBILITY Elohim laid on them as husband and wife to learn the lessons of patience and faithfulness and self-sacrifice in marriage, and to build the kind of CHARACTER for which Elohim placed them on this earth.

The Almighty commanded: “Therefore, what YAHWEH has yoked together, man can NOT put apart.” (Mark 10:9). If you do not yet fully understand the scriptural truth on this entire subject of divorce and remarriage, then please download and study Lesson 18 on the Marriage Covenant in our study section at www.coyhwh.com

The Real Answer

The real ANSWER to our divorce problem, then, is to teach young people that love is something we GIVE and share with others. LOVE IS A CHOICE, NOT AN EMOTION!

Teach them Elohim’s pattern of organization in the home—that the father is the leader and the provider of the home—and that he is the Head of the house. As Judge Samuel S. Leibowitz said in “Reader’s Digest” proposing his solution to the problem of juvenile delinquency: “Put Father back at the head of the family.”

Then we must teach our young women to prepare for wifehood as their highest and most honorable calling. They should learn to cook, to sew, to properly care for and train their children, to be a loving help—a crown and glory to their husbands. We need to reinstate Elohim’s PURPOSE in marriage and the home— that it is a place to build both happiness and character.

Young people will then follow a new concept in courting and picking a mate. They will realize that sex is only a part of the entire expression of love in marriage and the home. Husband and wife will then learn to give and share in the entire marriage relation. Each will know his Elohim-given place in the home, and will take it with humility. Together, they will teach, train and discipline their children in Yahweh’s Torah.

From babyhood, Father will teach his children respect for authority as laid out by Yahweh— SOLVING the juvenile delinquency problems before it even starts. Yet all of this will be carried out in an atmosphere of LOVE and consideration for the ultimate good of the entire family.

Realizing and following Elohim’s PURPOSE, the home will become the center of family life and recreation. There will be real family fellowship and fun at mealtime when everyone eats together under Father’s watchful and kind eye.

Instead of all “canned” entertainment through TV, radio or movies, many evenings will be spent around the fireplace, in family games, or in reading scripture and talking about Yahweh’s Kingdom together.

There will be family outings, sightseeing trips, hikes, picnics and camping trips all centered around Kingdom principles. There will be special dinners and all-day occasions with relatives and friends. An atmosphere of unity, of “togetherness”, of LOVE will permeate the entire family.

All this will be possible because of the giving and serving attitude in love, sex and marriage will be understood and practiced. And because there will be good organization and direction in all family affairs with the Father as the recognized Head of the family—and with the Mother gladly and proudly backing him up and helping in every way. And it will be possible if YAHWEH is recognized as the real founder of marriage—and as the Head and Father of all the human family, to be served, honored and obeyed.

In spite of the temporary trials and problems inherent in this physical existence, a marriage based on these principles will yield great peace and happiness throughout this life and eternal life in the Kingdom of Yahweh.

This is the ANSWER to the divorce problem of America and all the world !