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Rearing a ‘Can Do’ Child

      I am shocked at the large number of books available on self-esteem. It seems many people today think they have low self-esteem, when in reality it is low self-confidence. Psychologists and self-help experts have capitalized on the average person’s feelings of inferiority. What is self-confidence? Is it important? Should you try to give your children self-confidence? Confidence means to feel secure in doing something. Self-confidence, for a believer means having a positive, yet balanced, view of yourself. It doesn’t mean vanity, self-centeredness or thinking you are better than someone else. It means seeing yourself clearly, faults and all. And it is not dependent on outside factors, but comes from within. Humans are Yahweh’s greatest creation—with a potential far beyond our imagination. We are created in Yahweh’s image (Genesis 1:26-27), and our ultimate purpose is to be born into His family! But we need to realize, that without Yahweh we would be nothing and we’d be going nowhere. Why do your children need self-confidence? Self-confidence is important in motivating children to do their best, try new things, and resist pressures from other people to do wrong, and to feel good about themselves. A child with low self-confidence feels inferior, and self- conscious and lacks courage.

      He will carry those negative feelings into adulthood, and they’ll be hard to overcome. Low self-confidence is linked to teenage pregnancy, crime and drug addiction. On the other hand, a child with high self-confidence will grow to be a high achiever, and a secure, confident happy person. Children with proper self-confidence will not be afraid of failure, because their self-confidence doesn’t rest on what they can do or what honors they can achieve. It’s never too late to build confidence and self-confidence in your child. You can help your child determine the way he thinks of himself. We are what we think (Proverbs 23:7)—whether positively or negatively—and thus we set our course for success or failure.

Do your children have it?

How does your child perceive himself? Listen for the phrases, “I can’t”, “It’s too hard”, and “Nobody likes me”. They could indicate that your child needs a boost in self- confidence. Here are key ways to encourage healthy self-confidence in your children.

• Give your children unconditional love. Feeling loved and accepted is a deep intense need Yahweh has created in us. We need it to love ourselves and others. Love your children, make them feel they are important to you. There is no substitute for your time as a way to show them you love them. Don’t be there just for the big events like graduations, recitals, championship games and so on. Spend time playing with your children every day.
• Respect your children. Remember, that as a creation of Yahweh, you, and all people deserve Don’t tolerate disrespect from them and treat them with respect as well. When you discipline your children, do so privately. Don’t punish children in front of others, or belittle or humiliate them when punishing them. Make sure you praise them when they deserve praise and encourage their efforts to change. Noticing their behavior only when they are bad will make them feel unloved.
• Be a positive thinker. Parents need to set the example of positive thinking. Children are sensitive to positive and negative attitudes around them. Yahweh gives us instruction to counteract our tendency to worry and look at life negatively. We are to dwell on the positive things (Philippians 4:8). In fact, He commands us not to worry (Mathew 6:25-34). Help your child have a ‘can do’ approach, by showing them the source of their strength and abilities. Teach your children that Yahweh is their helper and that He WILL give them comfort and strength. Let “I can do all things through Messiah, the One giving me strength” (Philippians 4:13) be their motto.
• Help your child have high standards and reach goals. Children are curious and want to explore. Some parents are so over-protective and fearful, their children are not free to do things that will build their self-confidence. Parents need to let their children seek new experiences, within reason, so children can learn about their capabilities and limitations. Facing and overcoming setback teaches children that they can succeed, even if they face challenges along the way.

Also, help your children set realistic goals. You know your children’s strong and weak points, and can help them avoid discouragement if the goal is unreachable. Help them learn what their strengths and weaknesses are by giving them new opportunities to learn new skills at an early age—for example, music lessons, sports, drawing or cooking. Don’t try to pattern your children after your talents and interests, but direct them in the areas which they show interest and aptitude. Encourage your child for the little events, like tying his or her shoelaces. Out of many little experiences of mastery, a child builds self-confidence. Teach compensation—that is, counterbalancing weaknesses by capitalizing on strengths, it is important you see your child’s strengths.

Certain strengths are readily recognized in some children, like the ability to sing, play the piano or handle a basketball. Other talents aren’t as noticeable, like being a good listener, having sensitivity to other people’s feelings, and the ability to encourage others. Search out all possibilities with your child.

Children are impressionable

While your child is learning, don’t give him negative nicknames, or label him as slow, clumsy, or dumb. Children will believe the things you say about them. Also don’t let your children label themselves negatively. Here is where Colossians 3:21 comes into play. “Fathers[and mothers], do not provoke your children, that they may not be discouraged.” Parents can create deep, lifelong depressions by being insensitive, and uncaring, in the tenderest years. Help your children see the worlds awards, recognition and praise are not the most important things in life. Remind them that they are still worthy, even if they are not No.1. No one wins every race. Teach your children true values.

Rearing ‘can do’ children

You’ll notice I titled this article, “Rearing a Can-Do Child,” not raising, which is a popular term. Being an old farm boy, I still firmly believe you raise cattle, and as a conscientious parent, you rear your children. Self-confidence must be nurtured and built over time with love and diligence. Parents, rear your children to have self-confidence. Point them to a healthy balanced view of themselves.