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As a Pastor for 22 years I have been blessed to council with many different people and a large portion thereof has been marital counseling. We even have full classes and workshops on relationships and communication at the Hayahad Bible school were we train couples to work together as a team in the marriage relationship…

      It is quite funny how things most often go the same way, no matter which particular couple or group I may be working with. I will usually break down the men and women into two different groups and have a short prep meeting with each to assess what the particular needs and problems may be in each particular case.

      With that said most sessions unequivocally go the same way. First I will meet with the men, which will take about 10 to 15 minutes; as I ask each individual what one thing if he had to chose would he want from his wife in their marriage, it’s almost is always the same short to the point answer. I want more support & respect from my wife and for her to listen to me when I tell her something. Most of the other men will agree and then that pretty much ends the first session which is only for inquiries and assessment.

      Then I will meet with the ladies and ask them the same question and again almost unequivocally the answer is always I would like to be loved more, and then usually we have a very emotional heartfelt session for About one hour in which the women will in very graphic detail explain why they want more love out of their marriages.

      This is very a typical for relationship counseling sessions with men and women. Men are short and to the point, women are descriptive and explanatory. Men are very blunt and direct, women are very emotional and graphic. Men are the visionaries and women are the details. Like the book says men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

      When we are dealing with relationships and in particular the marriage covenant, both sides must realize these differences to truly solve family problems and have harmony in the relationship.

      Another very important point to mention when dealing with this subject, is the fact that it was Yahweh who created the sexes differently and not humans.

So when the wife criticizes their husband for not having more emotion, or the husband is criticizing the wife for being too detailed and taking too much time, we are really criticizing Yahweh for the way He created the different sexes to be.

Gen 1:27 And Elohim created the man in His own image; in the image of Elohim He created him. He created them male and female.

In order to truly make the marriage covenant work in harmony is for both spouses not only to understand the different physical, chemical and emotional balance that each one has, but to truly appreciate it for the gift it is.

A woman needs to appreciate and thank Yahweh for the fact that He created men to be leaders that can give them the comfort and security that is needed to make them totally content in the relationship, being the weaker vessel, and the man needs to appreciate the thought and detail that a woman can put into a project, such as interior decorating of the home, that a man at best could only make look like a exotic clubhouse.

I owned my own house at the young age of only 19 years old and I was very proud of that accomplishment. It was fairly clean and I always kept my house neat. I had very nice paintings on the wall and good quality furniture in the living and dining areas, but almost without fail every time a woman would be in the house, they would make the comment “ I can tell a bachelor lives here” and for years I could never understand it until I got married.

I always say I had a house at 19 years old, but when I got married my wife Petra made it into a home. I appreciate her homemaking skills and encourage them, knowing that it is part of her character, and the person that Yahweh created her to be.

But what about the question of the woman wanting more love? Could they be asking, in many circumstances, for something that men may just not have to give in a way that a woman does, or maybe wants?

Is maybe Hollywood and romance books and our modern society portraying love and romance in an unrealistic and fairy tale fashion that is damaging to true life circumstances?

In a world where society gears most people through TV and advertising to be discontent and never satisfied we cannot let these feelings surface in Yahweh’s congregation. As we mentioned, women are more emotional, where men are more rational thinkers, and I believe that the Madison Avenue image and the constant peer pressure in society on our converted ladies may be causing them discontent more from having their minds on the things below on this earth, than on the things above. They are emotional because Yahweh made them that way, but satan also knows that and will try to play on that emotion to bring discontent into the family unit.

Ladies, did you ever think that going out to work every day and providing the rent and the food and the clothing for you and your children is showing love to you? Do you think that being faithful in your marriage and honoring the wife of his youth is also showing love to you? Remember as hard as it is to be a woman in this end time society, it is not much easier to be a man. There is ample pressure for a man to provide for his family, spend time with his wife and children, and keep his spiritual life on line with Yahweh. In Satan’s end time society that can be quite a juggling act.

And the next thing I would like to ask the ladies is “what makes you think you deserve to be loved?” Love is not an inalienable right that everyone gets just for the asking, but it is a law of cause and effect and the one who wants to be loved must give it out in order to receive it back.

Pro 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly:

Mat 7:2  for with whatever judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with whatever measure you measure, it will be measured again back to you.

Clearly, this scripture shows as we measure out to others it will be measured back to us. So I ask you ladies, how big has your measuring cup been? This is a law of Yahweh, so if you feel that you’re not getting enough love, then clearly you are not giving enough love either.

It is truly a question that you ladies need to pray about, because Yahweh’s word cannot be broken and maybe the problem is not lying in your husband’s corner, but maybe you are allowing Satan to play with your emotions as the weaker vessel to feel insecure.

Also, remember even the greatest of husbands can never truly give a woman real security. Only the true Shepherd, our Savior Yahshua can give us the spiritual security that all of need in our lives. Psalm 23 states Yahweh is my Shepherd I will not want, when we are secure with Yahweh, then we will be secure in our marriage.

Now men, on the other hand, knowing how bad the peer pressure is in this evil world to our women, out of our love for our wives this should make us even more sensitive to their feelings and to make them feel as secure as we humanly can.

Were as men are more visual, women and more emotional and need to hear more often how we care for them, and how nice they look for us, and how much we appreciate all the little things they do in cooking and cleaning for us and caring for our children. Are you truly loving your wife as Yahshua loves the congregation (Eph 5:25)

Pro 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in baskets of silver.

When you look at creation, everything that Yahweh created needed the thing that He created the day after or previously for survival. The seeds and plants were created on day three and it needed the sun and moon for oxygen which were created the next day. In the same way, the man needs the woman that was created after him.

Remember the woman came out of the man and this means the man is not complete without the woman, and when the marriage covenant takes place, a miracle of Yahweh happens, and the two are put back together, and once again become one. So when we criticize our spouse we are criticizing ourselves.

So you see the answer to the dilemma is quite simple; if women will honor and show more respect to their husbands, then by Yahweh’s law of nature, the husband will automatically show more love to his wife and visa versa. By getting our mind off ourselves and on others then we will get the comfort and security that we all desire. It’s actually pretty simple if we just apply it, I guess men really aren’t from Mars and women from Venus.